The Girl Who Would Be Queen

  When Princess Sophie Augusta Fredericka of Anhalt-Zerbst was born on April 21, 1729, there were no miraculous occurrences that announced that this girl would one day rule an empire covering one-sixth of the world's land mass. In fact, if you had been there at the birth and told anybody that, they probably would have laughed in your face. Sophie, they would have told you, was a daughter of a minor German princess and an army officer. She would be lucky to marry a lord, and ruling? That was out of the question.
  However, Sophie was a born leader who envisioned herself as a Queen from a very young age, because she was smart, capable, and a natural thinker. When she was fourteen, Sophie and her parents received a letter from the Empress of Russia, Elizabeth, offering a marriage between Sophie and Elizabeth's nephew, Grand Duke Peter, the heir to her throne. The family agreed, and Sophie and her mother went to Russia to marry Sophie to Peter. Sophie had to change her religion, her life, and even her name was changed to Catherine.
    After her marriage, life at the Russian court became a prison for Catherine. Her every move was watched and criticised, and everyone she grew close to the Empress reassigned. She was not even allowed to write home without copying "form letters" word for word. Peter wasn't any better; he was rude, childish, and their marriage was a disaster.
    When Elizabeth died and Peter ascended the throne, life became even worse for Catherine. Even though she had given Peter a son, she was terrified Peter would murder her and marry his mistress. However, most people recognised Catherine would make a better ruler than Peter and six months into his reign, Catherine and her supporters organised a bloodless coup and put her on the throne. Peter died in custody six days later.
   Many thought her reign would also be short. After all, she was German with no Russian blood and was merely the daughter of a minor Army officer. However, Catherine proved all her critics wrong and ruled for thirty four years as sole autocrat of the Russian Empire. She turned the economy around, encouraged the arts, and was the first inoculated against the smallpox in Russia. She created schools for everyone around the country and even granted freedom of worship in Russia. During her life, she was offered the title of "The Great", but declined. "I leave it to the posterity to judge impartially what I have done", she said.
   So why am I telling you about her? First, even in the face of hardship, Catherine never gave up her dream, even when she was alone with no friends at all. She rose above her circumstances and was patient and in the end rewarded for following her dream and patiently waiting for it. Second, many historians guess that Catherine herself had Asperger's. She is a great example to look to for guidance, because she is a wonderful example of an Aspie who, against all odds, overcame to become one of the most famous women in all of history.

Thank You, Mean Girl

  I looked around the table last Thursday and smiled at what I saw. We were on break from class, and my friends and I were discussing gun control laws. Anne, Paulina, Anna, Summer, Gabby and Ashley were going back and forth on what we should and should not own, Anne mentioning our second amendment rights, Anna claiming that was back in the time of muskets; when I smiled and turned to Anna and said: "I am so lucky to have you guys.".
  She smiled and nodded, but she couldn't have known I wasn't thinking about gun control, but a day way back in the August before my first grade year.
  I can remember it clearly: sitting in the back of the ice cream parlor and waiting to meet my "buddy", she was new to my grade school and I was asked to help show her around and help her make friends. I remember, for some reason, thinking to myself, 'This is a day that will change my life forever'.

 I couldn't have been more right.

 

    The girl I would meet that day I would befriend and bring into my small group of two other friends. We were all close until seventh grade, when Amy (not her real name, but the girl from the ice cream parlor), decided to turn my best friends against me. They would run away and call it a game. Then Amy began to turn the rest of my school against me. The worst day happened in the fall of my seventh grade year when I walked into math class and my name was written all over the board accompanied by the words 'the Camel', which, Amy explained, was the tallest animal she could think of with the smallest brain. The teacher wasn't there that day, just a sub who was new and had no clue the comments were directed at me. That day, at lunch, I didn't eat but went into the bathroom and cried because I felt so alone and I had no one to sit with at lunch.   I knew my Asperger's made it hard for me to made friends, and I vowed, there, on the floor of the bathroom, that I would never let this happen to anyone else like me, if I could prevent it.

   When I went to high school, I will be honest, I did not trust anyone. Amy had taught me to choose friends very carefully, if at all. However, all of that changed in freshman PE, when I met a girl who, like me, was injured and couldn't participate. We bonded quickly and she introduced me to her group of friends who accepted me immediately.  Even when they knew about my Asperger's, they still chose to befriend me.  They are the most amazing friends I could have ever asked for, they don't know how much they have changed my life, and I owe them so much.

   I never forgot my vow on that day in seventh grade, and I decided to try to made friends with Aspies like me. They, too, have enriched my life beyond words. They are gracious, kind, and unbelievably brilliant. I feel as close to them as my siblings due to the bond we share.

  What I said to myself over a decade ago is now true. Amy has changed my life forever. She brought me pain and sadness, but she taught me what real kindness and real friendship means.  Because of her, I was able to make real friends who I trust and Amy also helped me find my calling in life, to work with kids on the autism spectrum.   Even if you are having a tough time making friends, Aspies, don't worry, one day this will be a distant memory and, like me,  you may actually thank the person who hurt you because they will shape the person you become. That August day before first grade  changed my life forever, and I truly mean it when I say, "Thank you Amy."

Adapting to the interests of others

"Watch it."
"No!"
"It's good!"
"I said no!"
"I won't give up until you do!"
"Fine, I'll watch the show. I didn't say I would like it!"
   This was the conversation that went on when my friend Anna was trying to convince me to watch Doctor Who. I eventually agreed to watch it, and by the third episode I was in love with the series, as I am still. If I had not bowed to watching her interests, I never could have found the love I have right now for Doctor Who.
   In addition to finding a new TV show I liked, I also was able to adapt to what Anna was interested in. For Aspies, this can be hard: we have our strict routines and don't like having them disturbed, especially by new, fast and sudden change. However, if you don't try to show some interest in what others like, you may never discover you really like something, especially if your friends are trying to introduce it to you. They are like you, so maybe you will like it too, give it a chance!
   However, there is always the time where you absolutely cannot stand something that other people, even your friends, like. It's stupid, or pointless, or both, and you cannot interest yourself not matter what you try. Don't tell them how much you hate it, but rather try to smile through it. It may not be your passion, but these people support yours, so it is important to support theirs, be it TV show, book, movie, or game. They would do the same for you.
   In short, Aspies, give a bit of change a chance. Maybe you will find you love what your friends share with you, and if you don't, try to tolewrate their obsessions, because they do the same for you.

I've never heard silence quite this loud

   You're so confused. You look over your texts and try to remember the last things you said to them. You cannot find anything wrong with what you said, but now they are avoiding you for no apparent reason. You've tried reaching out to them, but they are avoiding you like the plague. What have you done wrong?
   Don't worry, you haven't made a huge unknowing social misstep. Actually,your friend's silence might not have anything to do with you at all. I found this to be true myself when my best male friend stopped speaking to me abruptly for five months. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. Finally, last week, he broke his silence. The relief was enormous, but his story was quite the learning experience for me.
  He explained something had happened to him, and he was so angry at what had happened, he didn't talk to me because he was afraid his anger would overflow into his messages and would hurt my feelings. He'd rather confuse me than have his temporary anger end our friendship for good.
  I took two things from this explanation. First, I had my best male friend back, and second, his silence had nothing to do with me. I had taken the wrong idea from his silence, that it was my fault, when it was because of me he was keeping quiet.
  If something like this is happening to you, don't worry too much. This person may be trying to not hurt you, and this is how they show it. Just let them know, via text or in person, that you are there for them no matter what. That they matter to you and nothing will change that. Be patient, their reconciliation with you may not be instantaneous.  It may take some time to respond to that caring, and their anger or frustration may not have abated yet. Be patient. Real friendships will outlast these little silences and will become stronger for it. Real friends stick around in these times, and so should you.

Sensitive Santa

  Last Tuesday in my local paper, there was an article on Sensitive Santa. This man professionally goes around to groups of autistic children and lets these kids tell him their wishes for Christmas. However, instead of being loud and surrounded by mobs of people and millions of brightly colored lights, this Santa has no line and is quiet so these autistic children will feel safe and not do a "freak out". This is an amazing idea that is enormously generous.
  A lot of my readers will understand the terror of going to see Santa, especially at a young age. There are a huge number of lights, and even worse, everyone and their mother show up and are talking and yelling and some are even screaming. It's a sensory overload that even the best Aspie sometimes cannot handle.
   I can relate. Without fail, every year, my mother troops my brothers and I down in our itchy Christmas sweaters to see Santa. I absolutely would dread it every single year.Without fail, there would be a ton of people there, and occasionally bad things happen like the year my youngest brother randomly got a horribly bad nosebleed and my mom left me in charge of my other brother while she changed the youngster's shirt. Naturally, I panicked because I had no clue what to do. There were so many people there and they were all talking and, well, let's say it did not end well.
     Here are some tips I have picked up in my seventeen trips to see Santa.

• Come with a group. Let other people wait in line while you go sit somewhere quieter, then they can come get you when it's your turn.
• Hum a tune to yourself, or talk to your friends so you are distracted from the lights.
• Come with people you really like, and they can coach you through it.

These tips are really great if you must see Santa or do something else that's equally difficult. I wish you the best of luck.

Please pray for the children in Connecticut.

Picking Yourself Up

   My friend, let's call her Paulina, has been in love with a certain college since before she can remember. She went to all the summer programs, envisioned herself there, and was smart enough, a commended National Merit finalist,  to get in.  I had never seen anyone work as hard as she did to get anywhere.
  Naturally, when college applications came around, she applied to her dream college Early Action. This means, if she was accepted, she could not apply anywhere else or go anywhere else. Anyway, the admission came at 3:00 last Thursday.

  She didn't get in.

  Paulina was devastated. She couldn't even come to school on Friday she was so sad. How could they not pick her, of all people? She's funny, interesting, and accepted me wholeheartedly when I told her about my Asperger's. She completely deserves this, and they didn't pick her.
  However, Paulina isn't the type to let this defeat her. She's one of the strongest humans I know, and she is the one person who taught me not to let something defeat me, even if it seems like the end of the world, it isn't. Paulina taught me that life throws you curve balls that you will never be prepared for and life will knock you down.  From there you have two choices. You can choose to remain defeated and let it define your life, or you can get up, as painful as it is, and continue with living. If something changes your plans, your plans were probably not meant to happen.
  I feel like we, as Aspies, can take a lesson from my friend Paulina. People will be mean, people will tease, people may hurt, but that doesn't mean you can let them rule your life. Even though it sounds crazy,  do not let them bother you, because picking yourself up is a much braver act than letting those mean people or bad situations rule your life. You will win in the end, but first you have to pick yourself up.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

  It's that time of year again, turn on any sort of family station and there will be a holiday movie playing. Frosty the Snowman, A Christmas Carol, and The Polar Express are examples of some of these classics my family and I enjoy.
   But the one holiday movie I absolutely love (and know every line to, don't judge) is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I love all the songs and even the characters are pretty cool, even at eighteen years of age.
   However, I think it's the story of Rudolph that gets me every time, especially as an Aspie. For those who don't know the story, Rudolph is a reindeer born with a red glowing nose. Ashamed, his father tries to hide his nose, and when that fails, Rudolph runs away with an elf who wants to be a dentist and an explorer hunting for silver and gold. When Rudolph returns, he and his friends are able to save Christmas because Rudolph's nose cuts through the storm.
   I think Aspies are a lot like Rudolph. Many people close to us can try to hide our slight oddities because they just want us to be able to fit in. While they are well-meaning and have our best interests at heart, you should know that you aren't like anyone else. This may seem bad to begin with, like Rudolph thought it was, but your differences make you, you. And, while now, it may seem hard to believe, your differences will change the world and will be called on when nobody else can help. This may take time, so don't expect instant results. Be patient, for one day your talent will be needed when nobody else can help, and then you will shine like a light, bright for all to see.