Body Language

  There's many things about other cultures that you may know from being told about them in a textbook. However, some of these things are impossible to understand, especially as an Aspie, until you experience them first hand.
  One of these things that was definitely initially out of my comfort zone when the Argentinians were here was how affectionate they are. Living in the United States, people have definite "personal bubbles" and don't really hug or touch a lot. Not so with the Argentinians. I was really out of comfort zone initially when they came. My Argentinian student told me it's common there to kiss someone on the cheek when you first meet them, even between different genders. It's just how they greet each other and is considered normal. He also told me the first few days they continued greeting each other in this manner and thought most of the boys at the school probably thought they were gay.
   Even as funny as that was, it was initially hard for me to handle the affection. It wasn't normal for the other families, but because of my Aspie sensitivity to touch, I was really freaked out when, upon meeting the other Argentinians the first time, they all started hugging me. I'm more used to shaking hands, and these people I had just met five seconds ago were in my personal bubble and touching me.
  I had to find a way to handle this. I decided to try to force myself to relax into the hug and smile, after all, I didn't want to offend them. And if I really was not wanting to hug, I put my hand out quickly, and usually they understood, even if they might have been a little confused. However, as I managed to become friends with the Argentinians, it became easier to hug them and I was fine with greeting them that way.
  Some people out there, like my Argentinian friends, are more touchy than what some people are used to. It may freak you out, Aspies, the idea of hugging a complete stranger, believe me, it freaked me out, but try to relax and and smile. It may offend the other person who may not understand your love of the personal space. And eventually, you may even come to enjoy it as you become closer to the person. As crazy as it sounds, it became almost normal for me to hug these kids, and if I can do it, so can you!

"Our" Party

 These last two weeks have been very memorable, to say the least. Showing our Argentinian student, let's call him Joaquin, around has been an absolute blast, from him trying his first smoothie to presenting him to my little brother's class has been really fun.
  However, two Thursdays ago, I was not so keen. Every family is required to 'host' a gathering for all the Argentinians and their host families. We had decided to go bowling because it was something everyone can do and is really fun. However, I was nervous to be surrounded by my brother's friends and families who I didn't know so well, and their Argentinians. There was no way I could get out of it, so I was dreading it.
  We were the first ones there, so my youngest brother and I started bowling while my other brother, Connor, and Joaquin started playing pool. Soon, all the families began to arrive, and my 'freak out' nerves started working.
   However, I had no reason to be afraid at all! As soon as they came, the kids started bowling, which made it so I didn't have to talk to them. However, I struck up a conversation with some of the Argentinians about how to work out the scoreboard. We gave up, but kept playing, cheering each other on and high-fiving each other when we hit a large number of pins. By the end of the night, we all had become pretty good friends and I discovered how nice and polite they all were and how they were just as nervous as I was to meet the other families. They were all amazing and great people and at the end of the night, I was so glad I had been to have met them all!
   If your parents are forcing you to go to a party and you think it might be the end of the world, trust me, it's not. Even if you don't know anyone, try to find something fun for you to do. People may join you in your activity, be it bowling or karaoke, and you might be able to strike up a conversation with someone and be able to make a new friend. As scary as this sounds, I know you can do it because I was terrified of talking to the Argentinians, but in the end we became friends. I know you, Aspies, can do it, just have faith in yourselves, because you are fantastic and interesting. People will want to become your friend, but you have to give them the opportunity to get to know you first.

The Argentinian

   My sixteen year old brother, let's call him Connor, is known around our house as "the talker". He talks a lot, and not just about himself, but everything going on around him, even secrets he is supposed to be keeping. Never will I forget the year we were getting our father a bike for his birthday. It was going to be a huge  surprise and my mother had sworn us both to secrecy. But the instant my father came home from work, Connor was on him, screaming: "Dad! We got you a bike for your birthday, and it's a secret!"
   So, talker as he is, it was a shock last December when Connor announced that he had forgotten to tell us that he signed up for an Argentinian exchange program and we as a family had one day to decide whether we wanted to do it or not. We eventually decided we would because it would be a great experience for Connor and something new for the rest of the family.
   However, as the exchange grew more and more real, I began getting nervous. What had I been thinking, I wondered, to have agreed for a total stranger to live in my house for three weeks, then take my dear brother off to Argentina for all of June? The kid was bound to think I was a bit strange and quiet, to say the least, and he would be invading my home, my sanctuary, and my mind palace, where I unload at the end of the day. What was I going to do?
  I was so nervous as the car pulled up to me for the first time, picking me and my mom up from the other side of the airport. (We had come home the same day from a college tour) I took a deep breath and climbed in.
  My worry was unnecessary. The boy was as nervous as I was to be meeting his "sister" for the first time. With my family around me, I was able to feel comfortable talking to him. A few days later, he patiently sat and told me about the history of his country, showed me the University he wants to go to, and talked about his future. I realized he is funny and loves to talk about history, which is also a great love of mine. Our conversations became easier and easier, and suddenly I realized this kid was now a part of my family. We talk about everything from language classes to our after school activities, and it is genuinely a ton of fun to get to know him. My whole family and I have become great friends with "our" Argentinian, and I can't wait for the next two weeks because I know all of us will have a ton of fun introducing him to our strange American customs and sights in our country.
   Aspies, don't be too afraid of any outsider coming into your home, even an exchange student. Yes, it disrupts routine a little, but it's really fun experiencing a new culture and teaching them yours.  You can make a lifelong friend out of this person and help be their guide to wherever you live and whatever language you speak. Imagine if you were alone in a foreign country, wouldn't you want someone to be your friend? I can tell you it is rewarding to help and becoming friends is easy as, as my Argentinian brother would say, un pastel*.

*pie

Miss Montana

  Before I begin, I would like all of you to know I am not exactly a beauty pageant sort of person. Honestly, I'd rather be watching Doctor Who or reading a book. However, Miss USA this year I found surprisingly interesting, and I would like to tell you why.
   One of the contestants was not like the others in this particular competition. Alexis Wineman, aka Miss Montana, is an officially diagnosed Aspie. She decided to enter Miss Montana to see if she had what it took and, surprisingly, won. She then advanced to Miss USA. "It seemed kind of ironic: a girl who was told she was different and considered an outcast by many, in the nation's biggest beauty pageant," Alexis said later. Alexis did not win Miss USA, but she did win America's Choice, a title given to the person who won the online voting poll for the pageant. She was so honored and could not believe so many people out poured their votes to a total stranger just because of her amazing story: going from an outcast to the top fifteen in the Miss USA pageant. It is truly incredible.
  However, Alexis did not stop there. She is now using her fame to promote autism awareness and teach the world to be more accepting of people who are different. She wants people to understand "Normal" is just a dryer setting and people like her deserve not to be treated as outcasts. Alexis herself says "I will be successful if just one person encounters a child who is overstimulated without staring, if one teenager invites an "outcast" to lunch or just smiles at him or her, or if one employer gives a job to someone who might not be able to look the interviewer in the eye".
    What Alexis Wineman is doing should set an example for the world today. We may be different, Aspies, but never be afraid to reach for the stars. Alexis did, and today she is Miss Montana. Never be afraid of who you are hindering what you will be, because as Doctor Seuss says: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

The Girl Who Would Be Queen

  When Princess Sophie Augusta Fredericka of Anhalt-Zerbst was born on April 21, 1729, there were no miraculous occurrences that announced that this girl would one day rule an empire covering one-sixth of the world's land mass. In fact, if you had been there at the birth and told anybody that, they probably would have laughed in your face. Sophie, they would have told you, was a daughter of a minor German princess and an army officer. She would be lucky to marry a lord, and ruling? That was out of the question.
  However, Sophie was a born leader who envisioned herself as a Queen from a very young age, because she was smart, capable, and a natural thinker. When she was fourteen, Sophie and her parents received a letter from the Empress of Russia, Elizabeth, offering a marriage between Sophie and Elizabeth's nephew, Grand Duke Peter, the heir to her throne. The family agreed, and Sophie and her mother went to Russia to marry Sophie to Peter. Sophie had to change her religion, her life, and even her name was changed to Catherine.
    After her marriage, life at the Russian court became a prison for Catherine. Her every move was watched and criticised, and everyone she grew close to the Empress reassigned. She was not even allowed to write home without copying "form letters" word for word. Peter wasn't any better; he was rude, childish, and their marriage was a disaster.
    When Elizabeth died and Peter ascended the throne, life became even worse for Catherine. Even though she had given Peter a son, she was terrified Peter would murder her and marry his mistress. However, most people recognised Catherine would make a better ruler than Peter and six months into his reign, Catherine and her supporters organised a bloodless coup and put her on the throne. Peter died in custody six days later.
   Many thought her reign would also be short. After all, she was German with no Russian blood and was merely the daughter of a minor Army officer. However, Catherine proved all her critics wrong and ruled for thirty four years as sole autocrat of the Russian Empire. She turned the economy around, encouraged the arts, and was the first inoculated against the smallpox in Russia. She created schools for everyone around the country and even granted freedom of worship in Russia. During her life, she was offered the title of "The Great", but declined. "I leave it to the posterity to judge impartially what I have done", she said.
   So why am I telling you about her? First, even in the face of hardship, Catherine never gave up her dream, even when she was alone with no friends at all. She rose above her circumstances and was patient and in the end rewarded for following her dream and patiently waiting for it. Second, many historians guess that Catherine herself had Asperger's. She is a great example to look to for guidance, because she is a wonderful example of an Aspie who, against all odds, overcame to become one of the most famous women in all of history.

Thank You, Mean Girl

  I looked around the table last Thursday and smiled at what I saw. We were on break from class, and my friends and I were discussing gun control laws. Anne, Paulina, Anna, Summer, Gabby and Ashley were going back and forth on what we should and should not own, Anne mentioning our second amendment rights, Anna claiming that was back in the time of muskets; when I smiled and turned to Anna and said: "I am so lucky to have you guys.".
  She smiled and nodded, but she couldn't have known I wasn't thinking about gun control, but a day way back in the August before my first grade year.
  I can remember it clearly: sitting in the back of the ice cream parlor and waiting to meet my "buddy", she was new to my grade school and I was asked to help show her around and help her make friends. I remember, for some reason, thinking to myself, 'This is a day that will change my life forever'.

 I couldn't have been more right.

 

    The girl I would meet that day I would befriend and bring into my small group of two other friends. We were all close until seventh grade, when Amy (not her real name, but the girl from the ice cream parlor), decided to turn my best friends against me. They would run away and call it a game. Then Amy began to turn the rest of my school against me. The worst day happened in the fall of my seventh grade year when I walked into math class and my name was written all over the board accompanied by the words 'the Camel', which, Amy explained, was the tallest animal she could think of with the smallest brain. The teacher wasn't there that day, just a sub who was new and had no clue the comments were directed at me. That day, at lunch, I didn't eat but went into the bathroom and cried because I felt so alone and I had no one to sit with at lunch.   I knew my Asperger's made it hard for me to made friends, and I vowed, there, on the floor of the bathroom, that I would never let this happen to anyone else like me, if I could prevent it.

   When I went to high school, I will be honest, I did not trust anyone. Amy had taught me to choose friends very carefully, if at all. However, all of that changed in freshman PE, when I met a girl who, like me, was injured and couldn't participate. We bonded quickly and she introduced me to her group of friends who accepted me immediately.  Even when they knew about my Asperger's, they still chose to befriend me.  They are the most amazing friends I could have ever asked for, they don't know how much they have changed my life, and I owe them so much.

   I never forgot my vow on that day in seventh grade, and I decided to try to made friends with Aspies like me. They, too, have enriched my life beyond words. They are gracious, kind, and unbelievably brilliant. I feel as close to them as my siblings due to the bond we share.

  What I said to myself over a decade ago is now true. Amy has changed my life forever. She brought me pain and sadness, but she taught me what real kindness and real friendship means.  Because of her, I was able to make real friends who I trust and Amy also helped me find my calling in life, to work with kids on the autism spectrum.   Even if you are having a tough time making friends, Aspies, don't worry, one day this will be a distant memory and, like me,  you may actually thank the person who hurt you because they will shape the person you become. That August day before first grade  changed my life forever, and I truly mean it when I say, "Thank you Amy."

Adapting to the interests of others

"Watch it."
"No!"
"It's good!"
"I said no!"
"I won't give up until you do!"
"Fine, I'll watch the show. I didn't say I would like it!"
   This was the conversation that went on when my friend Anna was trying to convince me to watch Doctor Who. I eventually agreed to watch it, and by the third episode I was in love with the series, as I am still. If I had not bowed to watching her interests, I never could have found the love I have right now for Doctor Who.
   In addition to finding a new TV show I liked, I also was able to adapt to what Anna was interested in. For Aspies, this can be hard: we have our strict routines and don't like having them disturbed, especially by new, fast and sudden change. However, if you don't try to show some interest in what others like, you may never discover you really like something, especially if your friends are trying to introduce it to you. They are like you, so maybe you will like it too, give it a chance!
   However, there is always the time where you absolutely cannot stand something that other people, even your friends, like. It's stupid, or pointless, or both, and you cannot interest yourself not matter what you try. Don't tell them how much you hate it, but rather try to smile through it. It may not be your passion, but these people support yours, so it is important to support theirs, be it TV show, book, movie, or game. They would do the same for you.
   In short, Aspies, give a bit of change a chance. Maybe you will find you love what your friends share with you, and if you don't, try to tolewrate their obsessions, because they do the same for you.