"To know what would have happened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that." - Aslan the Lion
You sure have done it this time. Made a stupid choice that you desperately wish you could undo, but no matter how desperately you try to undo it, you just can't.
Let me tell you this from personal experience. Everyone has these moments. I have had some of these moments where I was afraid and made some dumb choices. Nothing serious; however, but there are some things I regret doing and not doing. Not throwing a ball with my little brother and some of his friends. Being a bit angry with a person who is almost like a cousin to me. I wish I had talked to my friends and hung out with my relatives more when I had the chance.
In 2010, a lot happened to me. Several relatives and friends died and others became seriously ill. Another committed suicide and another suffered a drug overdose. I wish now, and I pray to God, that if I could have just one more chance I would change all of that, but I know I can't change what happened. It was out of my hands and I know it, but I still wish that somehow, it could be fixed.
But remember, what someone else did is not your fault. They are responsible for their own actions and this is not your fault. I say this because for a long time after what happened to me, I was convinced it was my fault, and I bottled up my emotions and held it all in. Aspies have a tendency to hold in a lot. We try to "be strong" for everyone else. If you've ever seen a soda shaken up, you know it explodes when you open it, and that is what happens to everyone. You cannot "be strong" all of the time. Nobody can. If you try, you're going to end up like I did, breaking down in the middle of the mall because you just can't hold it in any longer.
Try to do something for a relative today. Someday, you will be glad you did.
P.S. I am sorry to inform of my Uncle Bill's mother's death. Rest in peace Dolores.
Originally posted at confessionsofateenageaspie@wordpress.com on March 13, 2011.
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